Now They've Gone Toooooo Dang Far...

For years I've quietly chuckled to myself when someone would insist that they would eat only "free range" chicken or eggs. When the term first came to my consciousness, and being the curious devil that I am, I investigated the difference between the "new and improved" chicken and the regular store bought variety. As it turns out, there is very little difference between the two, and virtually no inspection, oversight, and enforcement processes.
The popular myth that “free-range” egg-laying hens enjoy fresh grass, bask in the sunlight, scratch the earth, sit on their nests, and engage in other natural habits is just plain poppy-cock (pun intended.) In most commercial “free-range” egg farms, hens are crowded inside windowless sheds with little more than a single, narrow exit leading to an outdoor enclosure, too small to accommodate all of the birds at once.
Birds raised for meat ("broilers") may be considered "free-range" if they have U.S. Department of Agriculture-certified access to the outdoors. No other criteria-environmental quality, the size of the outdoor area, the number of birds confined in a single shed, or the indoor or outdoor space allotted per animal-are considered in applying the label. As with "free-range" laying hens, many "free-range" broilers live in a facility with only one small opening at the end of a large shed, permitting only a few birds to go outside at any given time.
And heres the dirty little secret, dear hearts, they rarely venture out anyway. They will, when given the choice, stay in the dang shed.... its their nature!!

Now, I've given you all that information to get to this....

The other day, I was mindlessly laboring, on a room I was preparing to paint. As is always the case, I had the radio blaring Classic Rock as I toiled. The nationally syndicated "Flashback" program was being broadcast... "brought to you, in part by Burt's Bees, made from natural free range bee pollen."
What the....!!! Say what!!!!!!!
I laughed so hard, I nearly swallowed the all natural, organic cigar I clutched tightly between my teeth... and dang near spilled my beer!!! (You can tell I'm a health nut!)
But my laughter was short lived as my mind began to wonder about the non-free range bees of the world. Somewhere out there, there must be sinister bee keepers who are inhumanely warehousing bees, probably pumping them full of pollen gathering hormones, and selectively breeding them for maximum performance, never letting them see the light of day. These Strategically Oppressed Bees (SOB's for short,) surely must exist, otherwise we wouldn't have a need for term free range bees. Those poor SOB's....
As my mind continued to wander, I mean, wonder... what were the requirements to differentiate the free range bees from those poor SOB's? Perhaps the Burt's Bees folk have adopted the same requirements/policies as the chicken farmer.... Design a containment unit that will house, to maximum capacity, a dense population of bees, with small openings to allow a few, but not all of the bees out at any given time. This Homeostasis Induced Virtual Environment (HIVE) would allow them the "unregulated" use of the term Free Range Bees!!!!! Problem solved.
Now just as it was with the chicken, so too, it will be with the free range bees... many will pay the premium for the label of "free range," so they can feel good that they didn't contribute to the the mistreatment of the poor innocent bee. As one bee pollen provider puts it, "Don't be fooled by cheap bee pollen!"

Here's the harsh reality. Worker bees continually gather nectar/pollen and bring it back to the hive until they die!! And that's all they do... gather and die!!!! Its their job.... get over it. And as always, QRML!!!!!